A Thirst for Aesthetics
Watching performative males in the wild is a fascinating experience. Their keys jangle on their belt loops, tote bags drape over their shoulders, and in one hand, there is always a drink. To a performative male, a drink is more than staying hydrated: it is the key to his identity. It’s a conversation starter (“Wow, I love my matcha with oat milk, too!”), a prop while he is deep in thought about his feminist literature, and a great accessory to keep his hands occupied when his tote bag is full of Faye Webster and Clairo records. The drink completes the look.
I have always assumed that performative males didn't actually like their drinks. They just tolerated it for the look. But could it be possible that they genuinely enjoy them? I decided to find out. I tried a few drinks that I think fit into the performative male drink category to answer the question: Is the taste worth the aesthetic?
Matcha from Eleva
I had to start off with the classic. I might be a little biased because I genuinely like matcha with oat milk, but I can see why this is a performative male staple. The unique bitter and slightly sweet combination could consequently make anyone feel complex and unique. They know what they are drinking with this one. The shade of green is an instant accessory. It made my dull outfit a little more put-together. Did I feel special ordering it? Yes. Yes, I did. Even though it is gaining popularity, I did feel special being the only one to drink a green drink in the cafe.
Ratings:
Flavor: 4/5
Aesthetic: 5/5
Worth the Aesthetic: YES.
Chai from Column 15
I’m traditionally a chai girly, so I can understand the appeal. However, Column 15’s chai was unexpectedly aggressive. Perhaps the spice combination was off or something, but it left a burning sensation in the back of my throat. I never thought I would say this, but that chai was spicy. If performative males are drinking this regularly, they’re stronger than I thought. Maybe that’s the performance.
Ratings:
Flavor: 2/5
Aesthetic: 3/5
Worth the Aesthetic: Ehhhh … from other places, yes. From here, no.
Kombucha from Target
Drinking kombucha isn’t inherently performative; however, when men take care of their gut to impress women, it becomes performative. This was my first time trying kombucha, and I got the Health Ade Kombucha in the flavor Pink Lady Apple. The first few sips kind of surprised me; it was very fermented. A fermented drink tasted fermented … very surprising, I know. But the more I forced it down, the more it tasted like apple juice. The glass bottle adds a unique element to my desk while I work. Aesthetic? Well, yes. With a combination of an okay taste with health benefits, I would say this is a great drink for the performative males!
Ratings:
Flavor: 3/5
Aesthetic: 4/5
Worth the Aesthetic: Yes, go heal your gut, king!
Flat White from Hohl
As a new coffee drinker, I was excited to try flat white (with oat milk, of course). The art was Instagram-worthy, Hohl is a small business, and the drink was aesthetic. It was the performative male trifecta. As for the taste … it was just okay. Coffee is coffee, even with steamed milk. It was a good dose of caffeine, so I’m sure it keeps performative males awake to formulate their next Instagram photo dump.
Ratings:
Flavor: 3/5
Aesthetic: 5/5
Worth the Aesthetic: Sure
Chamomile Tea Made at Home
This was totally made at Sadler, but it has the same effect. Now thinking about it … a performative male that is ‘committed to the bit’ would use loose-leaf tea to make it himself. The tea itself was fine. I’m not a tea connoisseur, but it was very herbal and kind of sweet (maybe that’s just the brand, though). The aesthetics were not great. I’m sure they can find a 20-ounce Yeti Rambler or a thrifted clay mug to have their tea in.
Ratings:
Flavor: 2/5
Aesthetic: 2/5
Worth the Aesthetic: No, but I’m sure they could make it work.
Performative males may be onto something. Their drink choices might be questionable, but the aesthetics are there, and it clearly makes them feel good about themselves. I get it; there is something powerful about having a drink that can say something about you, a drink that makes one look like they read poetry under a tree, listen to Laufey with wired headphones, and have strong opinions on thrifting. Are performative men’s drinks over the top? Yes. But do they work? Also, yes. No matter how much I joke, I still feel cooler with the matcha in my hand. At the end of the day, maybe we are all performing with our aesthetic beverages, trying to look more interesting than we actually are.